A Thousand Little Wishes...

I just don't know

I'm sort of at a loss here.  I'm not sure of what to write or even if I want to write anything.  I feel a bit compelled to catch you people up on what's been going on in my little life, but it hasn't exactly been much and may be a bit too boring.  I also sometimes think of quitting this blog thing altogether.  But I still love your blogs.  I can't keep up with them, though, not to mention my own.  

I just don't know.

 

So here is some randomness that may also be considered an update:

• I have lost around 25 pounds.  Which took/ takes quite a lot of work.  Which getting time-sucked into the computer does NOT help.
• I've been working out three times a week in a Crossfit class.  It.  Is.  Awesome.  I feel so strong and generally like a bit of a bad-ass.  Which is what doing a buttload of push-ups, squats, lunges, etc will do for you.
• I have also started running.  I should probably refer to this as jogging, because it's not as if I'm going very fast.  But it feels good nonetheless, both physically and mentally.
• I have been a good bit more organized, mostly with my time.  Which I am pretty sure can be attributed to more time spent away from the computer.  Whatever the reason, I have been much better this year (meaning this school year, because all teachers think of a year as beginning in August) about keeping up with lesson plans, grading, and paperwork.  I've been keeping my classroom tidy and my home has been fairly tidy, too.  Tidy for us, anyway.  I've been better at managing things like homework, bedtimes, dishes, laundry, etc.  And damn it feels good.  But it means I have had to give up time somewhere.  And that somewhere has been computer time for me.
• Don't you sometimes feel like just keeping up with the reading and commenting on your Reader can take a huge chunk of your day?  Hell, last year there were many days I would keep my Google Reader open at school and read/ comment during my planning time or lunch.  Which was really just a big fat waste of time.  I should have been grading or making copies or something, but it seemed I never had enough time to do it once I finally got home.  And I felt the need to keep up.

I hope this doesn't come across as yet another one of my bitch-fests.  I love your blogs and many more.  I'm not done yet, but these are the reasons why I may not be commenting as much lately.  Because I'm busy doing other stuff.  Stuff that's pretty damn good for me and my family.

On that note, this is my 100th post.  Not very many for two-years worth of blogging, but it still feels like a little accomplishment.  So I'm doing a giveaway.  My first giveaway.  What am I giving away, you might ask?  Well, that I just don't know.  But it will be something, hopefully something good. You know the drill.  

 

xoxo

Today I...

• stayed home with a little boy who felt crappy and feverish from the Flu-Mist he received this weekend.  A little boy who woke up at 2:30 am and never went back to sleep until noonish.
• dropped the older one off at school, hit the grocery store for some essentials for the sickish little boy, also scored some fat pumpkins with long stems, and was home by 8:00am.  That, my friends, is why not working would be awesome.
• graded and recorded 196 assignments from the last week and a half or so
• filed a bunch of beginning of year assessments
• created my first Google document for Fall conference sign-ups
• read two Halloween books while snuggling on the couch
• put on some old jeans that are finally fitting nicely again
• typed up a test to go with the novel my second graders are reading
• played Words with Friends all day long
• made (or heated up) chicken and stars and ra men noodles.  That's a whole lot of sodium for one day.
• washed, folded, and put away two loads of laundry
• ignored the mess in the kitchen
• finished slapping up our Halloween decorations
• got a bit ahead on my lesson plans
• caught up with email, both school and personal
• tried to catch up with some blog reading, but gave up after I realized I've been sitting here ignoring my children (including the sick one) for about an hour and a half.  

And I thought this day was going to be torturous

I know this post is going to solidify my position as crazy woman in blog land, but for the past week and a half or so I've been suffering from awful, awful allergies.  Sneezing five thousand times a day; itchy, watery, swollen eyes; my nose getting so stuffed up that I would freak out.  I cannot stand not being able to breathe through my nose.  I've spent all my time these past weeks trying to keep my nostrils clear and open.  I've been taking Sudafed and Benadryl, I tried Zyrtec, I tried my prescription nasal allergy spray.  None of it really worked. But Afrin, oh dear God, Afrin did.  It can work wonders.  It could open up my sinuses and make me breathe.  

It's also highly addicting.  Not like a narcotic with the sweating and shaking if you don't have it.  But your stupid nasal membranes are so damn sensitive that they almost instantly get to where they won't go down without the Afrin.  

In my insane fits of allergy related stuffiness and sneezing, I started in on the Afrin.  This was not my first rodeo.  I knew the risks.  Both my mother and I were addicted to it during our pregnancies.  Except with that, practically the instant Max was born I could breathe.  Without Afrin.  

This was different.  I knew a day would come when I could tell that the allergies were gone but the Afrin addiction was not.  So last night, after it was so clogged that I couldn't swallow without my tongue getting stuck and sort of suctioning to the roof of my mouth, I sprayed it once more and Googled "how to get off of Afrin."  I then proceeded to read about all these crazy people that have been addicted to Afrin for fifteen years or more.  I was in a bit of a panic. I did NOT want to become one of these people, stashing bottles of it all around the house and in the car.  I was scared to death of how hard it was going to be. I did not sleep very well, either.  I took the day off to deal with this.

But this morning, after I took a shower, I could kind of breathe.  Then I had a smoothie and took a real Sudafed, the kind you have to show your driver's license for and sign your life away, pseudoephedrine.  I sprayed saline and Flonase.  And I've basically been able to breathe almost all day, with a little bit of stuffiness here and there.  But none of the suctioning closed, causing all kinds of crazy pressure so that my head feels like it's going to explode.  I'm so relieved.  Because really, if it hadn't been this easy, I don't think I would have made it through.

It's been a lovely day, really.  I've caught up on blogs, hit the grocery store with my husband, dyed my hair, started participating in Ten on Ten, played a little Words With Friends.  Whew.  Thank goodness that sometimes, things turn out to be easier than you thought they would be.

Home again, home again. Jiggety, jig!

I have no idea what that saying is from.  It's something that my mom always said to me when would get home, probably something her mom or grandmother said to her when she was little.  Anyway, I love it.

To say that I'm happy to be home, would be a serious understatement.  Which does not mean that we didn't have fun.  We had lots of fun, which I plan to share, but three weeks on the road is a long time.  We were all happy to get home.  

The first thing we did after crossing the border was to stop in Dallas for some good old-fashioned Tex-mex.  I'm sorry, but Mexican food anywhere north of Texas, just isn't any good.  We went to Pappasito's, one of our favorites, and spent way too much money on a pound of fajitas, but it was so worth it.

We got home around 2am on Sunday morning and the only time I've left the house since was to grab a few things for dinner last night.  I hardly participated in the unpacking of the car or the stuff.  I've been ignoring most of the laundry and crap that needs to be put away.  It's probably taking everything in Lee not to kill me right now,  but I just can't seem to make myself get up and do anything.  All I want to do is sleep, read, and catch up on my Google Reader.  Thankfully, I finished my book this afternoon, so that won't be a distraction anymore.  I think I might feel a little energy coming back, that or the caffeine is finally kicking in.  I think I'm going to drink another Coke Zero and start doing something around here!

I'll be back tomorrow with some photos from our trip.

My first day of summer

Today is my first *official* day of summer.  Camp is over.  Woot!  I still have greenish fingernails from craft camp last week.  Tie dyeing with 26 kids is a very messy business.  I managed to scrub most of it off my hands and feet, but can't scrape it out from under my nails.  

Last night we had dinner at a friend's house- ribs, sausage, smoked chicken, salad, fresh bread, and several vodka green tea cocktails.  It was a very fun evening full of lots of frisbee and dog chasing, kickball, and laughing.  It was the perfect kick-off to my official summer.  I wish I had remembered my camera.

I've spent today doing a bit of cleaning, a bit of baking, a bit of shopping, and a bit of blog surfing while watching the heart-wrenching US-Ghana game.  We're pretty into the World Cup around here, considering my husband plays in two weekly soccer games.  Plus it's just exciting, like the Olympics.  Now that the US is out, we're rooting for Argentina.

I think, I'll finish off the day with a bit of sewing, a bit more shopping, and a bit more cleaning.  And then maybe a movie with my family.  Oh, how I love summer!

 

Ten on Ten: June

Borax crystals from Potions Class

Pets from the Magical Menagerie (an owl, a toad, and a monster)

Quidditch practice

Our recipe for Polyjuice Potion

The plan for the next day

The never-ending duty

 An afternoon beverage

 The boys' favorite new thing:  zip-lines = FUN!

 My favorite new thing

Dessert.

I finally remembered to participate.  Actually, I had to bring my camera to school to take pics of our campers for our Polyjuice Potion activity, so I went ahead and did the whole ten hours.   

We have camp at our school for the first three weeks of summer.  Teachers have the option of planning and teaching camp for extra money.  Most people teach the same camp each summer.  For some crazy ass reason, my friend and I always come up with new camps each summer.  Which is both kind of fun and kind of torturous.  Well, not always torturous, but definitely always stressful.  Last week, was Camp Hogwarts.  It actually turned out to be really cute and the kids had a lot of fun, but it was a whole lot of work.

This week, we're teaching Cutie Cakes, which is supposed to be cake decorating.  We're having a hard time, though.  We're both exhausted and we can't seem to make decent frosting.  We have nineteen little girls and limited funds, so we're making the nasty shortening frosting.  Today it was either too stiff, too liquidy, or sort of curdled looking.  Luckily, we have a pretty great group of girls who, amazingly, have not complained once.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

I feel so out of touch here in this space and out there in all of your spaces.  I inadvertently dealt with my grandmother's death, the end of school, and a few other big things by not touching my computer except for work emails.  I later realized that this was the first time ever that I have made it through the end of the school year without having at least one miniature meltdown.  The end of the year is ridiculously stressful for teachers.  But giving myself a break from checking Reader really helped me not freak out.  The only downside was that I stayed away longer than I meant to.  Lucky for me, you all are so awesome and forgiving.  I know you won't hold it against me.  Hee hee.

I'm ready for camp to be over.  I want it to feel like summer.  I'm ready to relax and clean something out and maybe sew something for myself.  Now, if only I had a white-trash pool to lounge around in.....

         

A realization....

First, Dani put out a call to her readers and friends to ask away.  She had been tagged by someone and decided to take and answer questions rather than just listing ten things about herself.  Since she's been one of my very best friends for the past seven years or so, I didn't have a whole lot to ask her.

But then Visty did it, too.  I thought about it for a second and thought I was going to have to think about it longer and come back to her.  But then, just like that, a few questions popped into my head.

What makes you jealous?  Do you work?  What's your true favorite pastime?  What scares you?

It took me a few days to realize that those questions popped into my head so easily because they were about the stuff that worries me daily.

What makes you jealous?  Do you work?  What's your true favorite pastime?  What scares you?

*I hate to admit this, but I spend my days struggling to keep myself from being consumed with jealousy of the hundreds of stay-at-home-moms walking around my school.  In my class of twenty-one students, thirteen of them have stay-at-home-moms.  I really, desperately want to be one of them.  Not one of *them,*  but a stay-at-home-mom.  I have these sick fantasies that I would exercise every day and lose all this weight, my house would be clean and organized, weekends would be spent playing, laughing, and relaxing together, rather than running around like a freaking headless chicken and then trying to get six loads of laundry done and plan some healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners so that I could maybe, just maybe lose some of this freaking weight and go to the store and oversee some damn school or home-improvement project.  Sometimes my fantasies revolve around the kids and how I would be this awesome, patient mom who plans all kinds of fun and nature-y activities.  The kind of mom who takes the time to stop and watch the caterpillars crawling down the tree or the kind that searches high and low for just the right way to foster their interests.  Someone like Stefani.  I'm not an idiot.  I know these are my insane fantasies and illusions of how much easier my life would be if I could just focus on my family and my home and myself all day.  But I can't help it.  I crave it.

*I don't think I know my true favorite pastime.  Let me tell you that one more time, I don't think I know my true favorite pastime.  I love reading, but I only read a few times a week and generally fall asleep after the first few pages.  I like sewing and crafting, but I always have SUCH a hard time getting started, that I wonder if I really LOVE it.  I think I'm secretly worried that I don't truly love it, yet I have this whole bad-ass room in my house dedicated to crafting.  What really bugs me is that I just don't know.  I think I want to find my passion and I'm a little bit worried that I won't have one.

*I'm scared of death.  Like deathly terrified.  I'm scared of me dying, my husband dying, my parents dying, and mostly my kids.  I really can't handle news stories about kids who have passed away.  I have to consciously force myself not to think about it, because it can consume me and then I cry way too much over the what-ifs.  And I always, always worry about the poor mother in those situations.  Because I really don't think I could survive that.  One of the reasons I was so hell bent on having two kids was so that, just in case, I'd have another kid to have to live for.  Someone else to get up off the floor for.  I know it's morbid and horrible, but it's true.  

That's the sort of crap that's constantly floating around in the back of my brain.  Tell me I'm not the only freak who worries about this sort of stuff all of the time.  Please..

*The photo is of my grandfather's library/office the day after he passed away.  I brought home what felt like tons of those books, but really I barely made a dent in them.  My favorites are his bird books.  He loved to identify the birds that landed in their beautiful yard and now we can try to do the same. 

Color Week: Purple

This was definitely the most difficult day of the week for me.  I don't know why, because I like purple.  I'm actually wearing a purple cardigan right now.

My mascara.  I like cheap make-up.  And I like the mascara that curls my eyelashes for me. 

This is in my backyard.  It showed up on its own accord.  I think it *might* be trillium.  But again, I'm no gardener, so I really don't freaking know.

Some of Ben's art work from school.  A construction paper collage.  Our art teacher is pretty awesome.

A Mardi Gras bracelet.  My parents go to the Mardi Gras parades in Galveston most every year.

One of my vintage dresses that I don't freaking fit in anymore.  I bought this in high school at some antique store in New Orleans.  I love this dress.  It's from the 40's.  This is one of those ones I used to dress up in when we went out.  With a slip, of course.  Here's a close up of the top with the rhinestone button detail.  Why, oh why can't they make affordable clothing like this anymore? 

My mother's Stella McCartney perfume.  I don't really wear perfume, anymore.  In high school, however, I smelled like I worked in a freaking perfume store.

Max's art from school.  Chalk background with a construction paper butterfly on top, cut out by Max.  Notice the "patterin of shapes."  

One of my mother's several hand-made quilts.  Not by her, but by some little lady from some time long ago.  Someday they will be mine.

Ten

Ten years ago I had no idea what I was getting into.  I thought he was the lucky one.  

He was "lucky" because I was smarter than his bullshit.  I'd stuck around and he was getting me.  Lucky him.

I was so wrong.  I'm actually the lucky one.  That boy that I married ten years ago in my grandmother's backyard has grown into this man.  

This wonderful, amazing man.  This smart, articulate, funny, good-natured, and good-hearted man.  

This man who loves me.  Still.  After all these years and all these babies (just two, really), all these pounds and all these zits, and all those fits and fights and stresses.  

Almost every day I'm in awe of the relationship that we've built.  It's been a long journey.  One that I began with the ridiculous and pointless fairy tale hopes and dreams of a child.  But this point that we've come to- this understanding of each other, this ability to work together- has far exceeded those silly notions.   

This is so much better.

While we've been growing up together, we've grown together.  We fit.  We've moved through all that hard stuff and now we're just here.  With each other.  

And it's lovely.

Beauty:: Day Three

*Ingredients.  For soup.  Yummy soup, which I plan to share with you tomorrow.  In the beautiful bowls that my father-in-law makes.  

*This "30 Day" challenge is going to take me forever at the rate I'm going.

*I've learned a few things about myself so far as a "photographer."  

    One:  I'm never going to read that book about how to use my camera.  And         I'm thinking it really doesn't matter.

    Two:  I like just taking pictures and playing with the angles and stuff.  I           *think* I'm learning some things.

    Three:  I like my pictures as is.  I don't ever mess with Photoshop.  I've never     tried a filter.  I have cropped a few times, but not very often.  I think what I     like is capturing the true moment (in the best possible light and from the           best angle I can find) and leaving it alone.  Snapshots.